Thursday, May 31, 2012

Diablo 3: COMMON FALLACIES ABOUT HACKING/SECURITY

The information from "moojerk" is so good, that I'm going to reshare it here. (I may introduce edits for clarity.)

I keep seeing the following things being thrown about, so I want to try and provide information to address them and debunk them.
  • "Battle.net has crappy security because they make you use your email address as your username"
    -To start, the hackers need to get your username and password. Whether your username is your email address or something you just make up, they obtain it the same way they get your password. Keylogger, phishing, etc. ALL of the methods used to get the password are just as effective at also getting a username. As for the email, you have to have an email attached to your account no matter what. The fact that the email is or is not the username makes no difference and won't make less people use that email for fan sites and other public places.

    In addition, please see this post by discomatt:
    http://us.battle.net/d3/en/forum/topic/5271503297?page=25#489
  • "Because the passwords aren't case sensitive, our accounts are less secure and people get hacked that way"
    -This makes the assumption that someone is brute-forcing passwords. While it is true that currently Diablo 3 does not lock out an account after X number of attempts, it DOES appear that it limits the number of attempts via some kind of logon attempt throttling. In other words, brute-forcing needs to be able to attempt thousands of passwords a second in order to be effective. But this isn't possible if the number of attempts per second is throttled/limited.

    This means that brute-forcing would really only be able to be done for "easy" passwords that you could guess like "password". The catch 22 here though is that the addition of case-sensitive passwords isn't going to suddenly make people have an epiphany about account security and change their password from "password" to something stronger. So, it's not a magic bullet.
  • "Session-hijacking/spoofing is how people are getting hacked."
    -Blizzard made a statement that such a form of hacking was "technically impossible". From what I can see in wireshark, and from joining public games with others, in order to "session-ID hijack" like what happened in RIFT, the data to do so simply doesn't exist, far as I can tell. It doesn't even look like they use session based communication (at least that I can tell, but I admit I'm a bit weaker in this area of expertise), which would in fact, make "session hijacking" a technical impossibility. But if some other such an exploit does exist, I hope someone finds it and offers up proof so blizzard can fix it. But until then, the existence of such an exploit is nothing more than conjecture and anecdotal.

    Me and a couple other users tried an experiment of joining games with "hackers" that others had said took their stuff (was on their recently played with list after being compromised). In mine I even taunted these supposed hackers in an effort to get them to "exploit" my account. As expected, nothing bad ever happened to any of our accounts. I admit though this is just anecdote, but take it for anecdotal evidence since many here seem to enjoy doing so when it comes to trying to claim blizzard is the ones who are hacked and not them. :)
  • "Authenticators shouldn't be necessary just because blizzard has bad security."
    -Authenticators enhance END USER security. If there was a security issue on blizzard's end, the authenticators would be useless. If they were able to compromise blizzard to get your password, they'd also be able to get the information (seeds, keys, etc) needed to generate or bypass authenticator codes.

    And on that note, a bit about your passwords at Blizzard. Understand that obtaining them is no easy feat. They are stored as hashes, and are not in plain text anywhere in any manner that blizzard or anyone else can obtain them. They would have to be cracked, and doing so in and of itself is not an easy feat. Credit card data is easier to obtain, because it is often stored in a form that can be unencrypted or easier to break encryption methods since there is need for that data to be available in some kind of plain text format, whereas your battle.net passwords are never in any kind of plain text format. (I'm being very basic here)
  • "Authenticators make your account unhackable".
    -This isn't true either. There are nasty bits of malware out there that can help a hacker circumvent them, but they are incredibly rare. There was (possibly still is) one that worked for wow accounts, with a handful of accounts with authenticators being compromised and blizzard verified this. So far though blizzard has said no diablo 3 accounts with authenticators were hacked.
  • "diablo 3 accounts with authenticators have been compromised"
    -The only way this will really be proven is if blizzard admits it. There is no way for someone to actually prove their account was protected with a keyfob or mobile app authenticator at the time of their compromise. And in fact, it would be to Blizzard's BENEFIT to admit if such a thing occurred with diablo 3. Since such a compromise would be done via a nasty malware or virus, Blizzard would want to alert the diablo 3 community to the verified threat.

    Also, most of those threads you see about this are people who used the dial-in authenticator without realizing it doesn't work for D3.
  • "sony got hacked, so blizzard could be hacked too"
    -Sony also told everyone what information was compromised. Blizzard would do the same should they discover such a scenario. (And chances are they'd know before we would) And, you're right, NO ONE is infallible, including Blizzard. But realize that is an unlikely scenario, whereas a bunch of users falling for phishing scams and whatnot are a far more likely scenario. Especially when there is nothing but anecdote and conjecture to try and suggest otherwise.
  • "there's just too many accounts being hacked for it to not be some breach at Blizzard"
    -People have been claiming this for years. I have seen far more threads on hackings on wow forums in wow's heyday than what we have seen here. And this isn't unique to blizzard either. Every MMO has this stuff happen, and has threads about compromises, and there is always a big rabble about blaming the company and not the users. Blizzard is not unique to this.
  • "i dont go to fishy websites and i dont have any keyloggers, so how did i get hacked"
    -Read these:
    http://us.battle.net/d3/en/forum/topic/5271501737
    http://us.battle.net/d3/en/forum/topic/5271602204
  • "this is just a conspiracy for blizzard to make even more money selling authenticators!"
    -If this was a big money making conspiracy, then why would they offer the mobile authenticator for free? As for the keyfob, it's $6.50 with free shipping in the US. That is at or more likely, below cost. The authenticators are digipass go 6's made by vasco. The cost per keyfob in bulk from Vasco is around $20 typically on the cheap end, so $6.50 is a good deal. And even then, that doesn't factor in the infrastructure and backend cost. It requires at least one server to run the authentication, a database, licensing, and software to interface with battle.net, along with personnel to support and maintain all of that.
  • "but nothing is free, so they have to be making money on authenticators!"
    -No, it's actually reducing a calculated loss. You see, for every account compromised, blizzard has to have staff to handle it and infrastructure to provide restores, etc. So there is a very real cost to blizzard for each account that gets compromised. They try to minimize that cost with a "cheaper" cost by offering the authenticators (again free or at cost). So, the more accounts that have authenticators, the more money they will save since it reduces the chance of a compromise.
  • "I'm in IT so I know I didn't get hacked"
    -Most who say this are probably lying. For those that aren't lying, then they are not too good at security. Nothing is more dangerous to the infrastructure of a network than an IT guy who thinks they are infallible or they are so good that they are less likely to be hacked than blizzard. So in fact, people like that are more vulnerable to attack. Which brings me to my next point.
  • "blizzard cannot be hacked"
    -No one is infallible. Not even Blizzard. The difference, however, is this. No matter how good you think you are at securing your computer, Blizzard is better. They have their entire company and livelihood at stake. They are also publicly traded, and have to contend with constant audits and security scans which are designed to find flaws and failures in their security. I guarantee you don't. So again, is it possible? Of course. It's just not likely.

    And there is no evidence to suggest otherwise. A bunch of anecdotes on forums with tales of black helicopters in the night simply doesn't carry weight. And if you think this is a lot of threads about hackings, then you haven't been around online gaming much. And in fact with every game it's the same song and dance. In wow's heyday people swore up and down for years blizzard must have been hacked cus omg look at all the forum threads. Or omg look at all these threads it must be an exploit of wow or battle.net. Nothing ever came to fruition.
  • "blizzard is a greedy corporation who would do everything in their power to cover up a breach"
    -This is unequivocally false. Just like other companies that were breached (including blizzard in 2001 !) blizzard would probably notify us of a breach within a couple weeks of occurring. Because the penalty and consequence of them covering it up and being discovered later would be FAR worse than admitting it in the first place. We're talking billions of dollars lost, including the possibility of them losing their ability to be publicly traded, etc.
  • "the hackers only stole my diablo 3 stuff, if it was a compromise on my end why wouldn't they have taken my banking info and paypal login, etc"
    -Because, according to blues on the WOW forums, the most common form of compromise for battle.net accounts is phishing scams. In other words, keylogger compromises are more rare, and thusly why your banking and paypal info is safe. If you got hacked via one of the various methods that do not require any kind of keylogger to perpetrate, this explains why only your diablo account was hacked.

Fix for Netflix error N8106-101

When the Netflix error N8106-101 occurred (out of the blue), here is the 'fix' that made it start working again for me.
  1. Logged onto my Belkin router, located at http://192.168.2.1/. (Your router may be at a slightly different address.)
  2. Selected the "QoS Profiles" menu option.
  3. Changed the "Enable" over to "Disable" radio button.
  4. Clicked "Apply Changes".
After trying this and refreshing my browser the Netflix movie started right up!

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Cross-Realm Zones Coming to Beta - World of Warcraft

Cross-Realm Zones Coming to Beta - World of Warcraft:

I knew they were going to consolidate server populations!
I predicted this to my friends back in 2008.

RIP Corporations

Awesome quote from Slashdot:
Hi. I'm a child of the 20th Century. You might remember us. We fixed a Depression, killed Adolf Hitler, held Stalin in check, invented the atom bomb, rebuilt Europe and Japan, built a national infrastructure of highways and electricity, got Jim Crow off the books at least, added a Moon rock to our mood ring collection and then watched Al Gore invent the internet -- all without a single corporation as the driving force.

Mozart wrote his operas, Shakespeare wrote his plays, Nobunaga conquered Japan, Genghis Kahn ruled an empire, Rome took Europe, the Mings handled China, and Ogg invented fire all without a single patent or copyright protection to their name.

Skimmer Design 101

Skimmer Design 101:

Thank you! Actual information!

Sunday, May 27, 2012

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Define: TLDR

"TL;DR. This post is too long. Don't read it."
  • Firstly: you are using it wrong.
  • Secondly: do NOT tell me, the reader, what to read or what not to read.
  • Thirdly: If you can't be more concise, then provide a one-line summary BEFORE I read the entire freaking post.

Memes: You're Doing It Wrong

Please stop with the current fad of calling any horribly crafted jpg a MEME.
Just adding some stupid text to a picture does not make it a meme.

A meme is an idea that can be repeated.

Yes, some are funny, even LOLs. But most are just gags, not ideas.

So, please: stop.

What is Al Gore doing in May 2012?

What is Al Gore doing in May 2012?

Probably thinking. I like the guy, but I *really* think he has been misled on the whole global warming issue.

What do you all think he is doing for May of 2012?

Leapster 2 keeps resetting when you chose cartridge game.

If your Leapster 2 keeps resetting when you chose a cartridge game, here are some tips to try:
  • Make sure the batteries are fresh and good. With a voltmeter, check that the voltage of each battery is between 1.2 and 1.6 volts.
  • Clean the contacts on both the console and the cartridge with a cotton-swab and rubbing alcohol. Don't rub hard, just clean from inward to outward with soft strokes.
  • See if the game works in another Leapster.
  • See if the Leapster works with any other game.
  • Make sure the cartridge is inserted firmly and not at an angle.
Here is my other post on how to reset your Leapster.

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Teen Mom's 'Father'

The `father` on some teen mother show actually said,
"The less I know, the less I have to worry about."

I really feel sorry for the daughter.. I hope she makes things work well in her life.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Warcraft Pawn Scale for Restoration Druid Healer in 4.3

Here is the cataclysm pawn scale I use on my restoration druid Healer in 4.3.4:

( Pawn: v1: "Restoration": Intellect=100, IsOffHand=-1000000, HasteRating=79, MasteryRating=77, IsCrossbow=-1000000, MetaSocketEffect=7200, Spirit=78, IsGun=-1000000, CritRating=80, Is2HAxe=-1000000, IsShield=-1000000, IsWand=-1000000, IsBow=-1000000, IsMail=-1000000, IsPlate=-1000000, IsThrown=-1000000, Is2HSword=-1000000, SpellPower=80, IsAxe=-1000000, IsSword=-1000000 )

With no party/raid buffs, my stats are currently at:
  • iLevel: 378
  • Mana: 116K
  • Spell power: 7832
  • Mana regen: 3341/2136
  • Crit: 23%
  • Haste: 5%
  • Mastery 12.5 (15% harmony)

Warcraft Pawn Scale for Holy Disc Restoration Priest Healer in 4.3

Yah, I know the title *seems* a little confusing. But then again it is supposed to be. :) (She has many roles she fills)

Here are the cataclysm pawn scales I use on my holy disc restoration priest Healer in 4.3.4:
( Pawn: v1: "Disc": Intellect=100, IsFist=-1000000, Is2HMace=-1000000, CritRating=50, HasteRating=55, MasteryRating=45, IsCrossbow=-1000000, IsPolearm=-1000000, IsThrown=-1000000, IsRelic=-1000000, IsSword=-1000000, Is2HAxe=-1000000, IsOffHand=-1000000, IsBow=-1000000, IsMail=-1000000, IsPlate=-1000000, IsLeather=-1000000, Spirit=75, Is2HSword=-1000000, SpellPower=90, IsShield=-1000000, IsAxe=-1000000 )

( Pawn: v1: "Holy Disc Resto Healer!": Intellect=100, IsGun=-1000000, CritRating=81, IsBow=-1000000, IsMail=-1000000, IsPlate=-1000000, IsLeather=-1000000, Spirit=80, HasteRating=79, MasteryRating=78, IsCrossbow=-1000000, SpellPower=80, IsShield=-1000000, IsThrown=-1000000 )

With no party/raid buffs, my stats are currently at:
  • iLevel: 366
  • Mana: 107K
  • Spell power: 8681
  • Mana regen: 4176/2602
  • Crit: 18%
  • Haste: 12%
  • Mastery 11 (27% absorb)

Warcraft Pawn Scale for Restoration Shaman in 4.3

Here is the cataclysm pawn scale I use on my restoration shaman Healer in 4.3.4:

( Pawn: v1: "Shaman": IsOffHand=-1000000, CritRating=48, Spirit=75, HasteRating=55, MasteryRating=50, IsPolearm=-1000000, IsGun=-1000000, IsWand=-1000000, Intellect=100, IsBow=-1000000, IsPlate=-1000000, IsCrossbow=-1000000, Is2HSword=-1000000, SpellPower=90, IsThrown=-1000000, IsSword=-1000000 )

With no party/raid buffs, my stats are currently at:
  • iLevel: 380
  • Mana: 112K
  • Spell power: 8148
  • Mana regen: 4255/2713
  • Crit: 16%
  • Haste: 15%
  • Mastery 13

Warcraft Pawn Scale for Holy Paladin Healer in 4.3

Here is the cataclysm pawn scale I use on my holy paladin Healer in 4.3.4:

( Pawn: v1: "Paladin Healer": Intellect=100, IsFist=-1000000, CritRating=80, IsStaff=-1000000, HasteRating=85, IsDagger=-1000000, IsCrossbow=-1000000, Spirit=70, IsThrown=-1000000, MasteryRating=75, IsBow=-1000000, IsWand=-1000000, SpellPower=90, IsGun=-1000000, IsOffHand=-1000000 )

With no party/raid buffs, my stats are currently at:
  • iLevel: 381
  • Mana: 108K
  • Spell power: 8008
  • Mana regen: 4527/3012
  • Crit: 16%
  • Haste: 16%
  • Mastery 16%

World of Warcraft Agents

So trying the new expansion the world of Warcraft and I notice that there is a new executable running on my system.
"Agent.exe" in the "C:\ProgramData\Battle.net\Agent\Agent.913" folder.
Windows says the digital signature information is okay.. I hope it is legit. Only runs when the Pandaria launcher is running.

Another annoyance, Windows Update switched over to download, install, and reboot without asking! Gah, don't do that windows! There are times when I have *MY* programs running that I do not want interrupted!

Monday, May 7, 2012

Medical Joke

I know I can be a real pancreas, but you know I'm just kidney with you.
You really gotta learn to liver it up.
Boy, these jokes are getting bladder.
I guess you've got to develop a stomach for them.

Cures for Insomnia

"Insomnia isn't anything to lose sleep over."
  1. Watch caffeine consumption, especially after 1 pm.
  2. Exercise just about every day, but not right before bedtime.
  3. If you're worried or bothered by something that keeps you awake: get up, write it down on piece of paper, and then let that piece of paper worry about it (while you sleep).
  4. Lie down, be still, relax. Relaxation is something that is learned and must be practiced. The more you do it, the more effective you are at doing it. Practice focusing your attention on the sound of a fan, for example. Key word: practice.
  5. If you wake up in the middle of the night, instead of thinking "I can't sleep.": think about a few nasty chores you could do if you got out of bed. For example, cleaning under/behind your refrigerator. Cleaning under the stove, or behind and under the washer and dryer. Toilets that need scrubbing. Cleaning out drawers or boxes or closets.
  6. Don't read in bed.
  7. Don't watch TV in bed.
  8. Go to bed to go to sleep. Soon your body/mind associates bed with sleep.
  9. When you first get into bed, relax. Then start thinking of all the things you have to be thankful for: the fact that you have a bed, a pillow, a roof over your head... Try to think of 100 things to be thankful for. Let any stray negative thoughts go. Just think of things to be thankful for, no matter how small.

Sunday, May 6, 2012

Flu & Cold Metric

Okay, I've developed a new scientific metric to determine the severity of the cold or flu from which a victim suffers.

"TRTP", aka, Total Rolls of Toilet Paper used while sick.

Now, obviously the amount of rolls you would normally go through in the same span of time needs to be deducted from the TRTP.

:)

Friday, May 4, 2012

define: Atheism

Atheism: The belief that God does not exist.
I reject your belief. So stop pushing it onto me.

God, science, evolution, and creation and not mutually exclusive.
My personal belief is that we don't have a clue what Reality really is.

Thursday, May 3, 2012

K.I.T.T. (Knight Rider) & Turing Test

Come to think of it, K.I.T.T. (from Knight Rider) would easily pass the Turing test.

Agree?

Free Living Expenses

A man walks into a pharmacy and asks to talk to a male pharmacist.

The woman behind the counter explains that she and her sister own the store, and there are no males employed there. She asks if there is something she can help the gentleman with.

The man says that it is something that he would be much more comfortable discussing with a male pharmacist.

The female pharmacist assures him that she is completely professional and whatever it is that he needs to discuss, he can be confident that she will treat him with the highest level of professionalism.

The man agrees and begins by saying, "This is tough for me to discuss, but I have a permanent erection. It causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment. So I was wondering what you could give me for it?"

The pharmacist says, "Just a minute. I'll go talk to my sister."

When she returns, she says, "We discussed it at length and the absolute best we can do is, 1/3 ownership in the store, a company car, and $3000 a month living expenses."

65 Year Old Ass

A 65 year old women is naked, jumping up and down on her bed, laughing and singing.

Her husband walks into the bedroom and sees her.
He watches her for a while and then says, "You look ridiculous! What on Earth do you think you are doing?"

She says, "I just got my checkup and my doctor says I have the breasts of an eighteen-year-old!"
She starts laughing and jumping again.

He says, "Yeah, right. And what did he say about your 65 year old ass?"

She instantly replies, "Your name never came up!"

Non-Blonde Joke

Q: What is the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?

A: Beer nuts are a dollar fifty-nine and deer nuts are under a buck!

Common Blonde Joke

A man enters a lesbian bar by mistake. He find his way to a barstool and orders a drink.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender in a loud voice, "Hey bartender, you wanna hear the best dumb blonde joke ever?"

The bar immediately falls deathly quiet.
In a deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know five things..."

"One: The bartender is a blonde woman."
"Two: The bouncer is a blonde woman."
"Three: The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional boxer."
"Four: The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler."
"Five: I'm a 6-foot, 200 pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate and a very bad attitude!"

"Now, think about it seriously, mister. Do you still want to tell that joke?"

The man thinks for a second, shakes his head and says "Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times!"

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

The Simple Truth

What a woman says...
This place is a mess! C'mon!
You and I need to clean up!
Your stuff is lying on the floor and
You'll have no clothes to wear if we
don't do laundry right now!
What a man hears...
blah blah blah blah blah C'MON!
YOU AND I blah blah blah blah!
blah blah blah blah ON THE FLOOR blah
blah blah NO CLOTHES blah blah blah blah
blah blah blah RIGHT NOW!

A Woman's Appearance

Q: Why do women pay more attention to their appearance than improving their minds?
A: Because most men are stupid... but few are blind.

Bank Robbery

Q: What's six inches long, two inches wide, and drives women wild?
A: Money.

Slow Down!

Q: What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
A: Slow down and use a lubricant.

Oral Oranal ?

Q: What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
A: Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.

Hehe, boobies!

Want to see some boobies?

Ѿ

/giggle

Pizza π

Square Box.

Round pizza.

Triangle slices.

I'm confused.

Failing English

Me? Fail English!?

That’s unpossible!

My Ex

When my ex yelled at me: "You'll never find anyone like me!", I just picked up a shovel, winked, and then replied, "Neither will anyone else."

Grammar Commas! Before inside, outside, before, or after.

I know what the 'standard' is that some teachers have tried to teach us. But I prefer the commas to make sense. I believe the quoted parts should be their own sentence.

Maybe it comes from years of trying to parse natural language sentences..

Here are some examples:
[Modern] "I said one", said Johnny, "Not two."
[My way] "I said one.", said Johnny, "Not two.".
And when you have a list of items, the only logical way to separate them is one comma to each item.
Example: "I need you to pick up an apple, a pear, an orange, and a grape."
Example: "Bob and Jane, Jack and Jill, and Frank and Carol are coming to the party tonight."
An even better usage would be: "Bob & Jane, Jack & Jill, and Frank & Carol are coming to the party tonight."

Also, I think "grammar" should now be spelled "grammer". Like grey vs gray.

hehe.

Counting 1 through 10

A teacher asks little Johnny if he knows his "1 to 10" well.

"Yes, of course! My pa taught me... even more than 10!"

"Good. What comes after three?", asks the teacher.

"Four!", answers the boy.

"What comes after six?", asks the teacher.

"Seven.", answers the boy.

"Very good.", says the teacher. "Your dad did a good job. Now... so what comes after... lets say ten?"

"A jack!"

God created Heaven and Earth

In the Beginning, God created Heaven and Earth. Then He created man.

God said, "Adam, I want you to do something for me."
Adam replied, "Gladly, what do You want me to do?"

God said, "Go down into that valley."
And Adam asked, "What is a valley?". So God explained it to him.

Then God said, "Cross the river."
And Adam asked, "What is a river?". So God explained it to him.

Then God said, "Go over to the hill."
And Adam asked, "What is a hill?". So God explained that to him.

Then He told Adam, "On the other side of the hill you will find a cave."
And Adam asked, "What is a cave?". And God explained that to him.

Then God said, "In the cave you will find a Woman."
And Adam asked, "What is a woman?". So God explained woman to him

Then God said, "I want you to reproduce."
And Adam said, "How do I do that?". So God explained that to him.

So off went Adam, down into the valley, across the river, and over the hill, and into the cave and found the woman.

In about fifteen minutes, Adam was back.

God patiently asks, "Yes... how can I help you?"

And Adam asks, "What's a headache?"

The Hat

An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding tightly onto her hat so that it would not blow away in the wind.

A gentleman approached her and said, "Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?"

"Yes, I know," replied the lady. "I need both my hands to hold onto this hat."

"But madam, you must know that you are not wearing any panties and your privates are exposed!" said the gentleman in earnest.

The woman smiled and replied, "Sir, anything you see down there is 80 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!"

Monkey Cage

Start with a large cage containing five monkeys.

Inside this cage, hang a banana on a string.

Before long, a monkey will reach for a banana.
As soon as he touches a banana, spray all of the other monkeys with cold water.

After a while, another monkey will make an attempt with the same result - and all the other monkeys are sprayed with cold water.

Pretty soon, when any monkey tries to grab a banana, the other monkeys will try to prevent it.

*Put away the cold water.*

Now, remove one monkey from the cage and replace it with a new one. This new monkey will see the banana and start to reach for it. To its surprise and horror, all of the other monkeys will attack it.
After another attempt and subsequent attack, it learns that if it tries, it will be assaulted.

Next, remove another of the original five monkeys and replace it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the banana and is attacked.

Repeat this for each remaining original monkey.. every time the newest monkey takes to the banana, it is attacked.

Most of the monkeys that are beating him have no idea why they were not permitted to have the banana or why they are participating in the beating of the newest monkey.

After replacing all the original monkeys, none of the remaining monkeys have ever been sprayed with cold water. Nevertheless, no monkey ever again approaches the banana.

Why?

Because it has always been that way.

How much is that TV?

A stoner walks into an appliance store and asks the owner, "How much for that TV set in the window?"

The owner looks at the TV set, then looks at the stoner, and says, "I don't sell stuff to potheads."

So the stoner tells the owner that he'll quit toking. A week later, the stoner comes back and says, "I quit smoking pot. Now, how much for that TV set in the window?"

And the owner says, "I told you; I don't sell to potheads!"

So the stoner leaves again.

He comes back a week later and says, "How much for that TV?"

The owner says, "I'm not going to tell you again; I don't sell to potheads!"

The stoner looks at the owner and says, "How can you tell I'm a pothead?"

The owner looks back and says, "Because that is a microwave."

"Don't laugh!"

"Don't laugh!" said the patient.

"Of course I won't laugh," the doctor said. "I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient."

"Okay then," the patient said, and then proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest penis the doctor had ever seen. It couldn't have been bigger than the size of a AAA battery.

Unable to control himself, the doctor started giggling, then fell laughing to the floor. Ten minutes later he was able to struggle to his feet and regain his composure.

"I'm so sorry," said the doctor. "I really am. I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a doctor and a gentleman: I promise it won't happen again. Now...what seems to be the problem?"

The patient replied, "The swelling won't go down!"

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

09 F9 11 02 9D 74 E3 5B D8 41 56 C5 63 56 88 C0

I have the right to say the numbers "09 F9 11 02 9D 74 E3 5B D8 41 56 C5 63 56 88 C0".


And no law, no human, no sentient being can take that right away from me.